Field of Dreams

19 Jul 2009
field of dreams movie cover

field of dreams movie cover

I just had a wonderful time watching the old movie Field of Dreams starring Kevin Costner. I stumbled onto this VHS movie at a local Hollywood Video store in Mountain View, CA that stocks tons of old stuff. This movie follows a man as he plows part of his old corn field in Iowa and builds a baseball diamond because he hears whispers. Slowly over the course of time in the movie players come to the field to play ball. The family starts going through a bit of financial challenges but manages to not sell the farm as more and more players come and dreams are fulfilled.

The movie is very touching and beautiful in the way it portrays family, friends and dreams. The main setting, an Iowa farm, reflects the simplicity and values of its characters. Amazingly, the movie also promotes open mindedness and free speech. The wife of the family who owns the farm and has built the diamond stands up for banned books at a town hall meeting and later a new character is introduced that was a part of the free speech movement.

field of dreams with kevin costner and shoeless joe jackson

field of dreams with kevin costner and shoeless joe jackson

I laughed, I cried a little… I had a great time with this movie. It was fun and positive in every way but it didn’t feel like a chore to watch. The acting was good and I highly recommend it to anyone. If you don’t have a video store nearby with older movies then watch the movie online for a few bucks with Amazon. Rent

Field of Dreams here. I know the cover image for the movie is a bot hokey so I’ve got another screenshot here. Don’t think you have to like baseball for this movie, it’s more about family and following your heart.

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I’m going to start off with the lyrics but I’m really impressed by the music video. I first heard this song when I was in high school or middle school back in Colorado. I didn’t really connect to the message, instead I enjoyed the musical aspects.

Evanescence,  Everybody’s Fool Lyrics:

perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that

never was and never will be
have you no shame don’t you see me
you know you’ve got everybody fooled

look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you’re pretending
but now i know she

never was and never will be
you don’t know how you’ve betrayed me
and somehow you’ve got everybody fooled

without the mask where will you hide
can’t find yourself lost in your lie

i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don’t love you anymore

it never was and never will be
you don’t know how you’ve betrayed me
and somehow you’ve got everybody fooled

it never was and never will be
you’re not real and you can’t save me
somehow now you’re everybody’s fool

This song rings true to my own rejection of consumerism. I can identify with the singer in the video when she enters the elevator and is mocked by the two bleach blonde females, I like her darker almost goth look but I’m glad she didn’t take it too far, just darker plain clothes without makeup and without logos. It’s interesting that artists rely on advertising, branding, and image fakery in order to survive to some extent and yet reject this enabling system once they are stable enough to do so, as in this case with Evenescence.

Me in my gray hoodie

Me in my gray hoodie

I used to want to have some sort of face tattoo or makeup, like a dark symbol or smear on my cheek, like coal or something (indeed I often rub coal onto my face when I find it camping or otherwise). I had this old gray hoodie back in middle school that I wore all around and it really felt comfortable to retreat into in that same way. While some take comfort in the company of others I find myself wanting to retreat into nature and surround myself with darkness when confronted with fear, become the fear and acknowledging nature. My favorite animal is the cheetah and I take that form from time to time, letting out my animalistic energy, running jumping and roaring. Skateboarding really takes me there, I can cruise fast as I was meant to and crash through surrounding crowds of people, abandoning external things and systems while still being in them to some extent. I can feel my strength and independence, it is beautiful. It’s a great primal escape and to me primal is beautiful and peaceful, it is truth and freedom, not hurt or anger, not war or stupidity as some might think.

I recently made friends with a small indy band from Colorado called the Dovekins and saw them perform at a hole in the wall type of venue in San Francisco. One of their songs was all about rejecting corporate sponsorship and it featured humpty dumpty, it was simply amazing. Humpty Dumpty fell off his wall and broke but then his spirit emerged and became a bird that flew all around with a newfound freedom and perspective, eventually the bird hit a window and ended up in a hospital. Later on he is learning how to fly by studying from books and he engineers a paper airplane to help him once again take to the skies. This ends in another fatal crash. I love how random yet believeable it all is, it’s so natural and yet a bit crazy. Another great music video takes this approach, growing up out of nature and then delving back upon death, in between struggling to artificially live naturally. That video is Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie.

I guess the relationship between being an artist and getting paid will always be in question. Another art piece that questions this relationship is the South Park episode entitled Britney’s New Look in season 12. It’s a journey that can consume young artists, feeling a need to turn on and separate from a system that is all you know. Rejection of a parent almost that brings new found freedom and understanding, eventually acceptance and re-appreciation.

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Being a Starter

07 Jul 2009
Me with my surf board in SD, high school roadtrip with Dad.

Me with my surf board in SD, high school road trip with Dad.

Being a starter means I’m the kind of person that tries lots of things. I have an insatiable appetite for discovery and seem to be good at anything I am excited about. What that means is I can be super efficient and effective but also that even if I’m good at something, if I am not excited about the direction or team then my skills are set to languish as the sponsor, team, or company watches in frustration as I chase butterflies.

Valeria - we went on a date to gymnastics

girl - we went on a date to gymnastics

This also happens with my relationships. I tend to date a lot and once things are secure I get disinterested and start feeling trapped. Control equals boring I guess… Conversely, if I am interested in someone and they repel me then I tend to get a broken heart and fill in all of the gaps with what I could do to make it work (which is really limitless). Having this “starter” sort of ADHD (which I have) mentality means that I have variety, creativity, success in my life but also that I have way more uphill battles and “earning respect” moments. It also means I get my heart broken more.

Tonight I got my heart broken when a great girl told me that we were just too busy to make it work and that our schedules didn’t match. It hurts and makes me feel like I could, and would, change my schedule to get it right but the truth is there have been other relationship moments with other people when I needed to fill in my schedule just to get away. Food for thought.

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